Shiny Donkey: Clerks Part Deux?

Clerks Part Deux?
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08/30/04 11:18 AM EST
posted by alex email

I really hope Kevin Smith does well with this one, but no matter what, it looks like we will have Clerks II

I think it stands to be wonderful if done well.

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08/30/04 11:28 AM EST
posted by JER email web

"Cleks 2: The Passion of The Clerks???" Please tell me that's a working title...

Fanboys around the world, myself included, will probably love this movie -- but it's a bit sad that KS has given up on "legit" movies so quickly. After Jay & SB Strike Back, he swore that those characters would never appear in live action again. He was tired of writing about them and thought it would be pathetic to see 30-somethings saying "Snootchie Bootchies" and hanging out at the mall. Now after his ONLY non-Jay & SB movie flops, he's already falling back on this schlock? He seems too talented to keep rehashing this stuff... At the same time, I'll pay to see this, while I still haven't read the synopsis of Jersey Girl.

Mew.

But Clerks X is gonna be hella cool and is already on my wish list.

[reply]

08/30/04 12:34 PM EST
posted by alex email

I can't wait till Clerks V?

The doctors tell Jay that is has been stoned one too many times and can no longer get stoned or he will reverse all of the drug induced brain damage that he has already accomplished through life. Wanting to keep his impaired constant state, he vows never to hit the pipe again and instead dedicate his life and fortune garnered by the big screen representation of his drug induced and silent super duo to helping out the less fortunate comic book loving and soon to be drug addict youth of Jersey.

Through a twist of fate, Silent Bob inadvertently grants power of attorney to a squirrel who he believes possesses the force and a finance degree from Cornell. Silent bob soon learns that the vermin has neither but it is too late as the squirrel loses all of their wealth that they amassed over the previous years of mischief. As a result Jay and SB are forced to go back to selling drugs to make a meager living in front of the convenient and video store.

To their surprise the Video store is still in business despite not renting a single video in over 35 years. In fact, they making a slow entrance into renting DVDs since it is viewed as a promising fad by the college dropouts who now own the stores. They believe that DVD will eventually catch on, since the studios realized the fault in Sony’s earlier introduction of the greatly advanced but under porno utilized Betamax format.

Jay takes a younger stoner under his wing to show him the finer points of bong hits and how to properly roll a doob. Angered by their return and the renewed loitering of Jay, Silent Bob, and Jay’s pupil, Randal arranges the import of a rich Jamaican drug dealer into their little Jersey town. Dante is angered by his move instead of calling the police but is pissed his girlfriend is cheating on him and simply complains that he “Shouldn’t even be here at this point in my life!”

The Jamaican begins courting and eventually takes Jay's newbie stoner promising him better ganga and more time high. Jay knows the stoner isn't ready for the big time reefer but can't talk him out of leaving and in the process an enormous rivalry is formed out of their once prominent Master/Apprentice relationship.

It is about this time that Silent Bob tires of the constant barbs from those other than his hetero life mate Jay. Jay is too busy worrying about his stoner pupil to defend SB as he once did, so SB decides to fend for himself.

After several training montages involving SB learning Karate with Force Influences he is ready to defend himself against the next “Fatass” comment directed at him.

At roughly the same time Jay’s pupil challenges him to one last getting high competition. Jay has decided to come out of retirement and step up to his challenge against his Dr’s orders. Jay begins to ready for his matchup and attempts to purchase some hard hitting pot. Due to his famous stature as well as his cult icon recognition, no dealers will sell him the stuff he needs, so he has to go solo and grow his own. After a few more montages of failed pot growing attempts, Jay emerges from his lab with the Frankenstein of all leaves ready to roll and anxious to smoke.

Building towards the climax of the movie, SB looking for his lost friend to try and talk him out of getting high his one last time encounters a few guys including a recently released from Jail Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck) who is pissed that SB was involved in his demise from Men’s Store manager to felon. Shannon heckles SB for being fat. SB is forced to use his Karate Force and through some quick work and a little mind control, leaves his attackers tied together and naked in the middle of the parking lot in a situation that makes them look at though they are having anal sex.

SB gets to the basement of Jay and SB’s modest apartment too late to stop Jay as he has already left for the alley pot smoking fight.

SB arrives and pushes his way through the crowd full of every character ever in any Kevin Smith movie to tell Jay that it isn’t worth it. In his only speaking moment of the movie, SB forms an eloquent and almost Platoesque argument of why it is unnecessary to go through with the competition. Jay tells him that it is worth it and that he can no longer back down. Then in an extremely anticlimactic ending, Jay outsmokes the newbie kid, gets the girl who hasn’t even been in the movie, and has no lasting ill effects from his last time getting high.

Someone in the crowd says something about how Jay and SB sold out and that they are lame like Rocky V.

Jay ends the movie by saying “Yeah, but those pole smokers was from Philly, and yous all know that snoochie boochies from Philly can lick my sweaty balls, see ya around cum guzzlers!”

[reply]

08/30/04 06:53 PM EST
posted by nate web

Why?!! Why would you post that? I read some of it and if it's true, I don't want to know ahead of time.

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08/30/04 07:12 PM EST
posted by Blearns email web

Every notice that Silent Bob and Snoochie Boochies are both "SB"?

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08/30/04 08:48 PM EST
posted by JER email web

Hmm... and is it coincidence that Spicy Burrito & Spooge Breath also share that acronym? Not at my Taco Bell... And speaking of tacos, my brother Jeff was in town this weekend and heard someone mention "Fish Tacos." Naturally, he was repulsed by the idea of ground gray fish meat in a crunchy yellow shell. Not quite a true picture of a fish taco, but exactly the one I had. Hooray for Ohio!

[reply]

08/30/04 08:58 PM EST
posted by JER email web

With a crazed plot synopsis like that, I don't think you'll be working in government much longer, Alex -- it's either script consultant for "Clerks III: This Time, They're Muppets" or a prominent speaking role at a Kucinich fundraiser.

[reply]

08/30/04 09:00 PM EST
posted by JER email web

Here are a few thoughts from the man himself. I must say, I love that his message board icon is a girl crying over a pregnancy test. Well done, sir.

[reply]

08/30/04 09:08 PM EST
posted by JER email web

And despite my initial hesitation, anyone who gave us "Who's Driving?! Bear's driving! How can that BE??" deserves the benefit of the doubt.

[reply]

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